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Instantaneous Thoughts

 Sometimes its frustrating how quickly our minds can work, and yet our instantaneous thoughts that have to be sorted and organized in order to convey the thought and the emotion to another person.  

I'm struggling a little.  Not really with school, or with a social life, or with my personal relationships, or anything like that.  I'm struggling with the idea that basically, things are changing, and the change will be quite drastic, and I'm not really sure I'm ready for it to be drastic.  I'm still holding on to past memories, to friends that I wish I had more contact with, but either have none or very little anymore.  There are things that people have said, done, and even written here on LJ about that I could have sworn they just wrote about a month ago.  In fact, it's been over a year.  An entire year.  It seems incredibly impossible.  

I feel like I'm floating somewhere in a blue sky that just extends forever and ever, because it's as though there is no beginning or end.  Everything just blends together into some strange understanding that doesn't have any grounding.  I am happy and sad, scared and excited, looking forward and nostalgic all at the same time.  

What I know right now is:
- I'm taking time off before grad school.  I'm going to make deliberate decisions about where to apply and in doing all of my application materials. 
- I want to find a job that is creative, fun, and challenging and not just a "Oh, let's work for a year".  
- I want to write more.  A lot more.  About everything.  
- I miss a lot of my friends, as well as I am happy about new ones I've made.  I want to keep those friendships going. 
-I have things I want to do this year, since I may actually have time for once.  Even small things.  I plan on learning some German, and brushing up on my Latin and Spanish.  
- I am flipping graduating in 2 weeks. Wtf.  I almost don't want to leave.