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Jul. 31st, 2012

I should be excited right now.  Excited about moving and trying something new.  But I'm losing Nik, before I go.  I'm losing her in less than 12 hours.   She'll be gone, and I, have to just keep going.  I know that everyone says she's lived a long life, and I know that.  I know she has.  I know she was happy.   That's not, it.  She, just was there whenever I needed her.  When I left for college, she stayed behind but she was here when I came home.   Like I'd never left.  She never deserted me, never gave up on me, like everyone else does.  And that will be gone now.  She won't be waiting for me when I come home anymore.  

This is just a reminder that, nothing lasts forever.  That loss, is inevitable.  That change, for better, or for worse, is unstoppable.  That eventually, all things wonderful come to an end.  And there's really nothing I can do about it.   

I feel helpless.  Because I want to make her better, but I can't.  It would be cruel to make her continue living as she is now to serve my own selfishness.  I know that.  But I wish I could make her better.  That she could stay with me, forever.  Because she deserves it.  

I keep thinking about how, in school, the Priest told us that animals don't go to heaven.  And I just can't help but think that God must be a really big douche to not want them there, because they are a million times more loyal, kind, and good than people are.  I don't see how if God is supposed to be loving, how he couldn't let dogs go to heaven.  

I don't know if God exists, or if heaven does either really.  It'd be nice to be able to count on it existing, to count on dogs going to heaven, so maybe this isn't really goodbye.  

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( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
movementsecho
Aug. 3rd, 2012 09:07 pm (UTC)
dogs and cats have an afterlife. i'm sure of it. :) ♥
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