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Haven't Posted in Forever

I haven't posted in forever.  I wish I did more but I don't know how to get this out any other way and i'm just internally raging about it right now.

One of my family members just shared a picture on facebook that says, "Calling an illegal alient an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'"

Um....what?!  Seriously, who the fuck thought this up?  This is one of the stupidest analogies I've EVER seen about immigration.  It's just fucking ridiculous.

First of all:  Even if the "drug dealer" did have a pharmacy license, it wouldn't change him being a drug dealer!  Because the substances are still illegal, even if you're a pharmacist.  ALSO.  Drug dealers sell some pretty harmful and even deadly toxins.

So you're going to equate a person who is in the United States, just here, without the government's permission, to a drug dealer? Apparently immigrants are the equivalent to people who sell death.


Maybe if people understood our government's process of immigration, they'd also understand it's not like you walk in and say "I'd like to live here" and they get back to you in any reasonable amount of time.  Nor do people seem to understand the ridiculous amount of money they require you to throw at just being a 'permanent resident', even with a U.S. sponsor, nor do they seem to understand that the instructions on how to actually go about immigrating are almost non-existent on the government website.  It's incredibly convoluted and missing wide gaps of information about what should be included.  Not only that, but even after my husband got here, he has to wait at the minimum 3 months after our marriage/getting a social security number in order to be able to even apply for jobs.  But they just expected us to shell out another 1000 dollars.  How do people expect someone to do all that?  Especially because the process is EVEN WORSE for someone who does not have a sponsor through a family member or employer willing to hire.

To just give a taste of what Ryan and I have been through:

- Figuring out how to even get started.  The immigration website is a bunch of broken links and outdated forms.
- 30 pages of paperwork including a ton of personal information, proof of our relationship and us visiting each other, $350 dollars.
- Waiting from Feb. to July just to hear back from them on this.  We were approved.  Via online because I checked every single day.  The physical mail never even got to me.
- Waiting for another couple months while they sent the info. from government department to government department until it got to the embassy in Montreal.
-Another list of paperwork, and another $250.
- Ryan had to go and get a special medical examination in Montreal.  So he had to travel in order to have it done.  That cost another $100.
- We finally get to set up a visa interview at the embassy.  Have to wait until December.  Get there, he waits in the place for almost 6 hours for them to talk to him for 15 minutes.
- Gets his visa a week later (only thing that was done fast.)  He now has to leave absolutely everything behind within 6 months for the visa to remain valid to enter the U.S.   This means on Dec. 6th he didn't even know if he was going to move yet.
- He enters the US. It had been 10 months since our initial file.  Has 90 days to marry me, obtain a social security card, send all of the paperwork for his adjustment of status.  He cannot work during this time.
- We waited for an hour to have a 5 minute interview for the social security card.  We left previously because the wait the first time we can in was almost 2 hours.
- The paperwork for this was 30 pages, including me having to prove that I could financially vouch for him being in this country and take care of him.  So I have to send in all my tax information and biography info.  We also have to submit a bunch of forms and passport style pictures that they already have received from us at least twice before this.  And the fees this time are $1070.
- We may have to wait up to 3 months, just to get approval for him to look for a job while his status is pending.   It could take up to a year before he's a "permanent resident".

This is considered one of the easiest and fastest ways to immigrate to the United States.
Fuck these people who think people should 'just do it the right way'.  The right way is ridiculous and inefficient.  Trust me, the fact we are such assholes to immigrants, there must be a really good reason they are choosing to come here anyway.  Because it sure isn't because we're a welcoming and generous nation to our immigrants, whether they are legal or not.
So, it baffles me why abortion and gay marriage are still even being debated as issues in this election.  

I'll start with abortion.  First of all, despite your personal beliefs, The Supreme Court decided that under our Constitution, a woman's legal right to privacy under the 14th amendment gives her the right to have an abortion.  It is her body, thus, under the law she is able to make the decision whether or not to have an abortion.  You may think having an abortion is morally wrong. It may be against your religious beliefs. Or, you may not see a problem with it.  Here's the thing:  How you personally feel, because of religious or moral beliefs, isn't really the point of it being a political debate.  The Supreme Court is stating that there is no clause in the constitution forbidding a woman from having an abortion, that IT IS NOT UP TO THE GOVERNMENT to tell a woman to either have, or not have, an abortion.  Thus, it is available for women to have.  It is an option.  It is a choice.  And you may not agree with it.  You may think she is a bad person for having an abortion.  That she is sinning.  That's all perfectly fine for you to feel that way.  But the political issue is:  Does the government have a right to tell women whether or not they can have an abortion?   The Supreme Court says, according the Constitution:  NO.  No they do not.   

Why would anyone want this overturned?  It is the Supreme Court saying "This is a personal matter, not a government matter. You have to make the choice yourself on what is most appropriate given your circumstances".  This is the government not taking more control away from the people on issues of their personal life.  You are free to commit yourself as pro-life, or anti-abortion, but it doesn't mean that you should support the government putting laws in place to stop it.  

I'm sure I'll have people tell me I'm a horrible person, that its murder.  The problem with that is this:  That is not how it is recognized in the medical community.  

The way I see it: If you think abortion is wrong, you won't have one.  And if you truly believe its wrong, and you'd never do it, then I champion that.  That's noble.  But it doesn't really give you the right to dictate how someone else should live.  You don't have the right to push your beliefs on someone else.  By making this a political debate, it is NOT somehow championing a moral cause.  It is relinquishing more power to the government to make choices about our personal lives.  That is NOT the place of the government.

I'll move onto Gay Marriage:  If the government allows gay couples to get married, I fail to understand how this in any way infringes on the rights of others.  It would not be a law that forced churches to perform or recognize gay marriages.  It would not be a law that somehow downgraded traditional marriage (heterosexual marriage).  All it would do is legally recognize the couple as partners/spouses.  Thus, they would receive the same tax benefits that a traditional married couple does.  They would have hospital family visitation rights.  They would be able to function, in the eyes of the government, as a man and woman who are married would be.  There's nothing really religious about it.  There are people who are not religious who get married.  Are they violating the sanctity of marriage?  Not in the legal system definition they aren't.  If you want to name it something else to make yourselves feel better, so be it.  But most gay couples, I think I can safely say, are interested in the legal contract of marriage.  They aren't worried about making your church accept them and marry them.  There's a separation between church and state here, that people don't seem to understand.  If its not infringing on your rights, if its not trying to somehow stifle your religious beliefs, there's no legal reason why it should be illegal.  

Let me be clear about both of these issues.  What I'm saying is:  Personal, Religious, or Moral belief does NOT EQUAL government involvement and/or laws.  I'm sure there are other issues that you feel morally or personally opposed to.  Let's take sex before marriage as an example.  Many people feel that doing this is wrong on moral or religious grounds. It does not mean we should try to get the government involved in passing a law to punish sex outside of marriage.  It is a personal issue that we each have to deal with based on our own personal beliefs.  It is not an issue for the government.  With these two issues, people are trying to blur the line of separation between Church and State to an unbelievable degree.  I also want it to be clear, that my motives for saying this, are not motivated by anti-religious sentiments, nor pro-abortion, nor pro-gay marriage feelings.  My motive is that I see an issue of the line of separation of church and state being crossed.  As an American, I see an issue where Americans are willing to infringe on the rights of others for their personal beliefs.  That is not what our country is about.  I'm not saying you need to agree with abortion or gay marriage.  I'm saying you need to step outside your personal box and realize that you and your beliefs are only a small, a very small part, of our population.  That your needs are not the only needs of America.  As Americans, we should support our rights, our freedom, not encourage the government to continue limiting that freedom.  

Jul. 31st, 2012

I should be excited right now.  Excited about moving and trying something new.  But I'm losing Nik, before I go.  I'm losing her in less than 12 hours.   She'll be gone, and I, have to just keep going.  I know that everyone says she's lived a long life, and I know that.  I know she has.  I know she was happy.   That's not, it.  She, just was there whenever I needed her.  When I left for college, she stayed behind but she was here when I came home.   Like I'd never left.  She never deserted me, never gave up on me, like everyone else does.  And that will be gone now.  She won't be waiting for me when I come home anymore.  

This is just a reminder that, nothing lasts forever.  That loss, is inevitable.  That change, for better, or for worse, is unstoppable.  That eventually, all things wonderful come to an end.  And there's really nothing I can do about it.   

I feel helpless.  Because I want to make her better, but I can't.  It would be cruel to make her continue living as she is now to serve my own selfishness.  I know that.  But I wish I could make her better.  That she could stay with me, forever.  Because she deserves it.  

I keep thinking about how, in school, the Priest told us that animals don't go to heaven.  And I just can't help but think that God must be a really big douche to not want them there, because they are a million times more loyal, kind, and good than people are.  I don't see how if God is supposed to be loving, how he couldn't let dogs go to heaven.  

I don't know if God exists, or if heaven does either really.  It'd be nice to be able to count on it existing, to count on dogs going to heaven, so maybe this isn't really goodbye.  


Instantaneous Thoughts

 Sometimes its frustrating how quickly our minds can work, and yet our instantaneous thoughts that have to be sorted and organized in order to convey the thought and the emotion to another person.  

I'm struggling a little.  Not really with school, or with a social life, or with my personal relationships, or anything like that.  I'm struggling with the idea that basically, things are changing, and the change will be quite drastic, and I'm not really sure I'm ready for it to be drastic.  I'm still holding on to past memories, to friends that I wish I had more contact with, but either have none or very little anymore.  There are things that people have said, done, and even written here on LJ about that I could have sworn they just wrote about a month ago.  In fact, it's been over a year.  An entire year.  It seems incredibly impossible.  

I feel like I'm floating somewhere in a blue sky that just extends forever and ever, because it's as though there is no beginning or end.  Everything just blends together into some strange understanding that doesn't have any grounding.  I am happy and sad, scared and excited, looking forward and nostalgic all at the same time.  

What I know right now is:
- I'm taking time off before grad school.  I'm going to make deliberate decisions about where to apply and in doing all of my application materials. 
- I want to find a job that is creative, fun, and challenging and not just a "Oh, let's work for a year".  
- I want to write more.  A lot more.  About everything.  
- I miss a lot of my friends, as well as I am happy about new ones I've made.  I want to keep those friendships going. 
-I have things I want to do this year, since I may actually have time for once.  Even small things.  I plan on learning some German, and brushing up on my Latin and Spanish.  
- I am flipping graduating in 2 weeks. Wtf.  I almost don't want to leave. 

Year 23

 Today is my 23rd birthday.  It's weird.  Like, a lot weird.  It doesn't seem that long ago that I graduated from high school and started college and got into all this crazy stuff.  I need to write more.  In here, in my own time, on whatever it is.  I just need to write.  I'm hoping that I will more once school is done, I'm officially graduated and on the job scene.  I have two jobs for the summer.. possibly a third.  Things are going well.  I'm taking a year off.  And everyone seems okay with that decision.  Which is good. Because I realized that going to get my masters in education was just me settling...and what I really wanted was to get my PhD.  So I'm going to apply for next year and if I get in, that's the route I'm going to take.  If not, I can still go get my Masters in Education and things will still work out.  I just think I should reach for the stars, rather than settle outright.  

I've lost a lot of weight so far.  20 pounds in total now :)    I'm going to be honest.  At one point I was 189 pounds.  I let everything get in the way of me and being happy and I let myself get that big and it was, bad.  I've lost 20 pounds so far.  I'm down to 169, officially today.  My goal for June 8th is 159.  And for July 8th, it's 149.  

My birthday was really good :)  
I have a new workout bench and I got myself Lulu basically last week :)  My sister also got me a gorgeous professional tote bag.  I love it.  I also got a really nice coffee mug/thermos from work.  :)

Lulu is jumping around like a goof with her catnip mouse.  It's adorable.  


 I'm tired today.  More tired than I should be.  I slept for like 8 1/2 hours.  I should be in class, but I was slow in the shower, slower than I should have been and then I realized that I didn't want to go.  I'm completely dressed, even with shoes on and I'm contemplating going back to bed.  I don't know why I'm so tired, other than I'm trying to get over a cold that is hanging on.  

I had a weird dream where someone told me I shouldn't post about a certain thing on facebook, and some other weird stuff.  

I can't really describe my other dream because I don't entirely understand it.  

Yeah.  I think for now at least, I'm going back to sleep. 

According to this idiot, it's being on a college campus and adhering to conservative values, with no actual clear distinction between people who stand up for what they believe and think on their own versus just standing up as a "conservative".  

Why does this video disgust me?  

Because it's clearly just a partisan flat out rejection of any liberal ideas in favor of conservative ideas ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF OPPOSING LIBERAL VALUES.  It really has nothing to do with trying to convince college students to think for themselves, or promote a sense that you shouldn't be forced to believe or feel a certain way.  In fact it goes against its own statement, by asking people to instead just conform to conservative values rather than recognize that subscribing to one viewpoint for all of your social and economic viewpoints is in fact: stupid.  

The fact that this is on Glenn Beck's site, I realize, should have tipped me off to the skewed viewpoint of conservative as great and liberal as not, but it was posted by a family member of mine on facebook, so I watched it to see what it was actually about.  I guess I just hoped whoever his guest speaker was wasn't an idiot.  But apparently I gave this woman too much credit.  

I really just support that idea that you think for yourself.  Being entirely liberal, or entirely conservative is what keeps you from being a free thinker, from being intelligent, from being a non-conformist.  If you subscribe, entirely to a word that somehow defines your beliefs in everything for you, that should be a red flag that there is a problem!

Maybe I just hate this because the idea of identifying myself as liberal or conservative, I feel, limits me, as well as limits the viewpoint others have of me.  I am not defined by a single word and neither are my beliefs, and I refuse to let anyone try to label me that way.

This is the table that will eventually contain my drabbles for the community drabble365days .   I claimed Arrested Development.  I may possibly do more than 100.  I don't know yet.  It probably depends on the amount of time I have.  Maybe this will make me write?  I hope.  You know, other than school stuff.

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Plenty has happened over the past couple weeks.  Some good, some bad.  

The Good:
  • I'm putting together a word document of my Valentines from Rei.  It was really sweet.  He sent me a card in the mail, which made me happy.  I also got a folder in my email that had 9 e-cards in it which pieces of a poem that all went together.  The whole thing represented our 9 years of knowing each other now.   If you want to see it, I'll send it to show you :)  It's really sweet.  I teared up and everything.  It was so much better than a regular gift.  I know he worked really hard to put it all together.  It made me really happy.  
  • I'm getting so close to going to Berlin.  it seemed so far away but now its almost here!  I'm so excited!
  • I'm graduating spring quarter.  Finally.  But then I have to get a job.  Um.. please no? :(

The Bad: 
  • I have a lot of homework I need to get through before Berlin.  
  • I got turned down for Teach for America.  I didn't get picked to move on in the interview process, which is disappointing, but, that's how things go I suppose. 
  • Last week was Kayla's funeral.  I don't even know what to say about it, other than thinking about it still upsets me, and I know she's in a better place, but I'm still struggling to be comforted by that.  

Writer's Block: First Movies

What is the first movie you remember seeing in a movie theater?

Wow.  I know I probably saw some before this, but the movie I remember seeing pretty vividly is Pocahantas and Toy Story.  They both came out the same year.   1995.  That seems so long ago now.  So hard to believe it's 2011 now.  

The Last Movie I saw in theaters:  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.   With Rei :)  
Next Movie I'm going to see in theaters:  Tentatively Red Riding Hood on March 11 with the girls from the Writers Studio. 

Last Movie I watched:  Blades of Glory and You've Got Mail.